I got this! Nope.
It’s one of those weeks when you get smacked back. You know what I mean? You think, “oh, this is fine, I’ve got this”. Life is total chaos and so many things to coordinate and you are doing it and you feel like a super hero. Then, smack! Energy gone, head foggy, so tired, forgetting important appointments, “which never happens to you” and it’s hard not to be brutal with yourself. Ironically, you would never ever let anyone else get away with saying this to themselves or to you, right? You would be supportive of their humanity and mistakes.
Wake up call. Or, rather no call.
After missing an important connect call with a woman I really wanted to meet and start something with. Someone who I had such a good feeling with and really felt that our conversation, shared with all of you would have been amazing and honest and super helpful! Well, I felt pretty deflated to say the least. Sorry Christina M.! (Some re-building to do.) Suddenly from 100 to 0 in a matter of seconds. Why can’t we have 1/2 the patience with ourselves as we do for others? Where is the empathy that usually we have for others?! Why are we so hard on ourselves when imperfection and humanity rear their ugly heads? Was I losing energy just from actually missing the call? From thinking about what this lovely woman will think of me? Or, that I couldn’t juggle it all? And, .. right.. I have to just look in the mirror and face.. that I am truly human.. That is so hard, sometimes..
“Isn’t it embarrassing to be human?”~ Kurt Vonnegut
Yes! It really is! The truth is.. Imperfect Parenting started partially as a reminder to myself that reality and being human means being and that is just part of life. Acceptance of these mess moments is sometimes pretty hard for all of us perfectionists out here that have such strong intentions and a hard boss (us!).
How are you with yourself when you F-ck up? Are you gentle? Or, a bit brutal?
Yet, isn’t it the humanity of us all that actually bonds us, opens us to new things and growth. yes. true. Yet, it’s an old pattern, hard to break. Working on it. Thing is.. it’s this hard boss in us, this perfectionism and feeling that it’s not allowed to be that human that drains us like the plug has been pulled in our bath and all sweet nurturing water slips down the drain and little is left after. Just the simple action of using gentler words can save us that energy we hold so precious for daily survival and having what we need to be in our family and life.
Words are power-full
Words give and take energy just as our kids do. What we say, even inside of our heads, can shift things in a few short moments. How do we really want to feel? Of course, we don’t want to lose more energy. Yet, I get that it’s not easy. Our mind stories flood our brains over and over like a bully in the school yard. At some point, we just have to find ways to not engage. Kill them with kindness (a story for another day) and shift the energy. So, turn that mental bully around. Think about what we would say to our own friends if the did the same and shift toward better boundaries within ourselves.
A lot of this is about boundaries.. for self with self as well as with others. The hardest bit is what is inside our heads. Yet, sometimes, we need to disappear off of social media and life in these intense moments of transition or whatnot and not be so overconfident to think I can “handle it all”. Then, I fall (sometimes, literally) and the ego screams at me. Would we do that to our best friend or mom or our kids? No way. So, let us do one mindful intention and have awareness about what words we use with ourselves and in that moment, flow in another more gentle direction as often as we remember. And, just see how your energy is. I will do the same! A one week challenge!
Boundaries within ourselves and with others
I know if you have been reading here or listening to the podcast, you know I have been trying to live life “normally” at the same time as sorting 2 homes, moving to 2 countries, taking a class/coaching circle and taking care of a 3 year old mostly on my own and of course house and self.. ha ha.. It’s just not realistic. Why do we take on soooo much?! This is one of the places a lot of us lose our most precious commodity, “energy”. It often seems that as soon as I say out loud, “I have no idea where this energy is coming from.” .. that is when it disappears. But, it is more than that. It’s not that it disappears. It’s more that we try to help others, ourselves and the house and play and fitness and more with the same small purse of energy. But, when all is spent, we keep buying things. Even when our own bodies tell us to slow down. How many times does someone pop up, or kids suddenly come and need something from you? How often do we say, “yes”? Seriously. Stop! Pause. Relax. We have to find our way back.. without nap time forcing us to be still.
It’s OK to slow down
How many of us keep going because we get caught up in all we “have to” do? Seems like too many days, I say .. soon, soon, tomorrow tomorrow. I just keep going. Sometimes, mindfully and sometimes, mindlessly. There is this part of me which needs things done so I feel I can relax. Do we really need to “justify taking a break?” Anyone else miss consistent naps to force us to recharge our own batteries?! I used to feel so frustrated with all the naps Ella took in the early days. But, then I realized I was the one who needed it the most! Now, El has more energy than the sun, doesn’t want to nap and .. I am dying.. When alone, it’s like that horrible feeling, of trying to stay awake while driving, knowing you need to pull over, and yet there is no place to do it, and you just have to keep moving forward until you get to the rest stop. But, where is the rest stop?
We must create our own “rest stops”
We all need a break. Stop driving ourselves into the ground, losing things and truly.. ourselves.. Motherhood is intense. We are the only ones who can shift and pause and make our own rest stops along the way.
Quick list of thoughts of the day
- Never over estimate your own need for breaks
- Stop on your own terms before you crash
- Be aware of self talk, transform into support
- Keep good boundaries with self and others
- Give yourself permission to pause
- You are the only one who can stop when you need it
Mindful Practice this week.. “gentle words”..
let us do one mindful intention and have awareness about what words we use with ourselves and in that moment, flow in another more gentle direction as often as we remember.