It’s midsummer morning here in Sweden and the madness has already begun.
The day has started with unexpected 3AM rain which I felt and mentioned to husband after he emptied his dad’s entire back shed full of old, old tools etc (yes, some electric), but he was sure no rain. So, me up in middle of night to thunder and that lovely tapping sound of rain, then suddenly realizing all the things left on grass for friends and neighbors to look through.. certainly would be destroyed.. I got up, quietly tried not to wake 3 year old and ran out into the rain picking up what I could lift into shelter and covering what I couldn’t. As I came back, Mats woke and asked why I didn’t wake him, and I simply said that he didn’t seem concerned before, so I just instinctively ran and sorted what I could assuming he didn’t really care. He ran out and did a bit more, well, a lot more. Then, just as I was about to sleep again, he opened the door to where El and I were and asked if I wanted to watch a movie!?!! In theory, great to have alone time. But, not with mother in law on the way, surely earlier than planned (as every midsommer) and, guests in the afternoon. Not to mention I’d need all energy possible between illness and energetic 3 year old and inevitable uncomfortable comments from mother in law. So, no movie. Jotting down a few creative thoughts in phone before sleep + a quick run through of what I wanted to record next to boot up for the move, then sleep.
Thankfully, sleep happened. Super weird dreams, yet more sleep.
Now, I sit in sun, a bit anxious, still coughing and groggy, yet some things prepped and instead of creating perfect, I get to talk with all of you.
Did I mention that there is not much signal, no wifi and I am rarely online out here at cabin? It feels both relaxing and strange as life becomes so dependent on always being online. And, people’s reactions to the detachment, as well as my own, has been a bit unnerving, in moments.
Yet, we all need a holiday from reality, sometimes, whether partial or full separation from the internet beast.. I highly recommend it! The mind calms, the heart slows and the song of the birds around becomes more clear.
Right now.. I hear birds and the sound of wind in the trees above. People cheering in the distance, perhaps preparing for midsommer (yes, not midsummer, as it’s the swedish version:) celebrations. I, in this moment, am just happy for semi-silence, no mom or other duties and the feeling of the wood beneath my bare feet on the front steps, sun on my arms and clouds moving through the blue sky.
In just a few minutes our car will arrive with my now screaming daughter, her grandma (farmor) and husband. The peace will end and the true holiday will begin.
Holidays are lovely, and nerve shaking and sad and exciting all at once.
These days, there is the wonder if we will be able to keep this midsommer tradition to keep Ella connected to sweden and family. We wonder if we can afford to help keep the family cabin or if we will have to sell. Will we energetically want or feel to keep coming here? Will whatever our future work is together actually allow it? We have many people in Europe we must and want to stay connected with. We just might need to get super creative!
If I listen to Cathy Heller, then, it all seems easy. Making a future from all the dreams. And, I have done it on my own and with clients, so why not now?!
The true block lies in the challenges to work with someone else’s story and karma and destiny ( my husband’s). It’s always been tricky for me. The tangling of past, present and future. Yet, when on my own, intuition and manifesting felt so easy.. when I really got CLEAR on where I was meant to land:).
Do you know what I am talking about? It’s easy to imagine things and hope. Yet, it is that moment when we KNOW something will or must be.. THAT is when things really happen.
So, its an exciting time, to rework our brains, to accept all possibilities, to allow things we can’t imagine, to face and work deeply with unknown and known fears.. and allow a life that for the past few years seemed to be “not allowed” ( but, that is a post for another day).
Today, it is my hope for all of us, that we can willingly see the light and the beauty of what we do have. That we don’t allow other people’s crap (Partner, friends and families, etc) to be an “excuse” for not serving in our purpose, supporting our families in the best way we can, in the moment, accepting when we fall again and again and relaxing into where the river of life and our purpose takes us!
Have a beautifully imperfect midsommer/solstice!:)