Each of us as individuals, as parents, have the chance the opportunity to be as present as who we are allows.. so we can do the same for our children, by not following others ideas of how we are supposed to be.. as women or moms (parents).
Today, I start the day slowly and in silence. It feels good. It opens something and allows me to be me, which is NOT to just up and start doing the moment my eyes open.
The question goes back to how it all began for you, and the choices you made at the start of it all and how that echoes out to your children. (meaning getting pregnant or becoming a parent)
Honestly, I believe that motherhood stays the same in its most essential form of full presence, over generations.. it’s we women who shift and expand into ourselves at different moments in time which truly effects the mutual experience of mother/parent to child.
Yet, society, and what is deemed acceptable, the norm and usual in parent behavior, the trends and what is in flow, of course changes, over time.
Permission to feel as we actually feel.
To act on what is present.
To access your true direction, feelings, needs and hopes and dreams.
I’ve notice, though that sometimes, there is a feeling that a direction is yours.. until you realize it’s about something entirely not yours at all.
Maybe the influence of your past, your parents past or some other external factor, that in fact, has little to do with the moment.
Yet, ultimately, changes everything with your children.
What do I mean?
Sometimes, it feels like you MUST do something, when all you need to do.. is be you, take a breath.. and see what comes next.
STOP over – doing and instead.. BE. Be you. be mom. Be present for your family in a way that aligns with who you really are, not who you are expected to be.
5 years ago, our lives were in full flow, there was a combined ease and massive difficulty. Life on the outside looked shiny and golden, yet on the inside the complicated bonus family twistedness pulled at us, daily. Yet, there was so much there. There was space, security, clarity of what was next.
Then, it all changed. Flipped upside down.
Yes, beneath the surface, maybe there was a yearning for something a bit different. Yet, the peace of the times allowed it.
Meh, peace shmeese, right?
Ha! Well, be careful what you yearn for..
We got part of the wish, part of the beauty, the light, the hope and the dreams.
Yet, in the pause between transition from one continent and way of being to another.. I was too uncomfortable with that stall, that stop.. to just stand still and be there with my daughter.. in the “unknown” comfortably going along. (Not, really my personality, though I look around and see others do it well.)
There’s something about having a family, my daughter, that changed my comfort with the unknown.
I wish I had just exhaled.
Instead, I got into action.. and did over 2000 hours of trainings and coaching and work shops and courses and missed so much of her.. just “pivoting” and trying to get “get us back on track”.
I spent time .. “looking for my new thing”. .. when “my thing” was actually her..
And, I was angry about that.. that I couldn’t just be with her.
Yet, at the same time, I wanted others who yearned for the same, to have their own dreams of it.
And, others who suffered from not having “their thing” to find that balance between what they themselves needed to put out into the world.. and .. well.. being a mom..
Each of us has a different answer to this.
Each decade and era seems to have an idea about it.
Yet, in the end, its about you, your situation and family.
I’ve learned A LOT about myself, motherhood and the journey.
In recent times, a lot of us have been reassessing what we want and how we want it.
Sometimes, circumstances don’t allow for full choices, I get that.
Yet, when we come back to the values (that sounds so rigid when I say that), the feeling the truth of you of me.. well .. then the clarity is there.
Motherhood.. in my case, I chose it, very clearly and sometimes painfully.
I have made too many mistakes and misteps to count. I can’t say if I’d do it all differently.
Yet, some for sure.
And, she chose me/us for all this learning.. this story, painful and beautiful.
I guess I write all of this.. because I want you to make the choice that is YOURS.
I thought I needed to step up and make things happen.
Yet, a large part of me, didn’t want to work full time in the way that was being presented to me by all my coaches.. who they themselves seemed over-worked.
Too many quotes talk about hard work and suffering.
I choose NOT to have this as the norm.
I choose not to loose time with my daughter in the moments I CAN CHOOSE her.
AND, am aware of where I need to choose myself as well.. more often. more smoothly, more gently, more clearly and with peace.
What about you?
Today, these are my ramblings, my musings, my thoughts and questions.
Being a mother.. is not easy or simple.. yet, it can feel more that way.
Our choices for ourselves.. may not seem always possible, yet how you choose to feel what IS in the moment.. can allow for choices of how you will feel, how your children feel it and inside your purpose and path and mothering/parenting.. it’s all there.
I wish you a beautifully imperfect day.
Coaching, mothering, living.. its’s all so beautifully imperfect. And, I am thankful for that..
Humans leading and supporting humans.